Cecily is the contributing editor for Alcohol and Drug Addiction. She writes daily at her personal blog, Uppercase Woman, where she covers not only her 12 years of sobriety, but life with Tori, writing, and all things feminist.
On December 21st, 1995 I had yet to put up a Christmas tree. In fact, I had no idea Christmas was in just four days. I also had no heat; our rental house (recently abandoned by my roommate when she went off to rehab) used oil heat and we didn't have enough money to fill the tank. Why? Because all of our money was going into my veins, in the form of cocaine.
That day, while shooting up, a huge rock of coke fell into the spoon. I was on my second eight ball (an eight of an ounce, or 3.5 grams) of coke already that day; my habit had skyrocketed in recent weeks. I remember looking at that huge rock of coke slowly dissolving in the water and thinking, oh no--that's too much.
Then I shot it up anyway.
I proceeded to have a grand mal seizure for nearly twenty minutes. For ten minutes after that, I barely breathed. My boyfriend stood out on the street waiting for the ambulance. I remember only a little of the ride; a Christmas ornament, bouncing lightly, hanging over the doors. In the hospital, I have what is often called a moment of clarity: I could not imagine my life without drugs and alcohol, but I couldn't imagine living the way I'd been living.
It was a rough road. My boyfriend, an alcoholic, decided to quit as well. We went to a recovery meeting, and it wasn't long before I realized that it wasn't just drugs that were my problem; the daily drinking I'd done for 15 years prior to starting to use drugs wasn't exactly normal either.
But we did it. My boyfriend (now my husband) and I have now been sober and clean for over 12 years. We did it by staying open, listening to people who'd gone before us, and making lots and lots of meetings. I'm hoping this site will help others find the peace and serenity I now have. It is possible to get sober. It really is.
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5 comments:
Cecily, I already like your straighforward honesty ~ can't get much "cleaner" than that. Thank you for sharing your stories, I've only been on the other side, look at people on this brutal road, so I hope to gain a better understanding and deeper compassion from reading them.
One love,
Lil
Awesome. Fellow traveler here - I've been on the path since 1990. It's definitely possible to get sober, be happy and weather crises without drinking or using.
Thanks for sharing your story.
eye-opening. congratulations, and thanks for sharing your story here.
Thanks, guys! It is challenging but can be done. :)
Cecily, thank you for sharing so openly and honestly in this introduction. Congratulations to you and your husband and I look forward to reading a lot more from you. I'll go do some back-reading on your blog. I hope that the people who need to find your words will and that they will truly be helped. As a newcomer to your blog you may have already answered this somewhere, but I'm wondering if you've ever been able to offer advice or help to recovering addicts because they found their way to your blog?
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