Two Tastes

These two posts go together...

Seek First to Understand

My hope is that some of the pain in Adoption World could be healed if people with a nemesis could really imagine walking in the shoes of their nemesis.

I'm on boards that are exclusively for adoptive parents, and it's disappointing how little compassion and respect there is for firstparents (on occasion). I'm aware that there are boards for birth parents who (occasionally) express disdain and disrespect for adoptive parents. And adult adoptees also have their private places to vent about parents of all sorts.

These entrenched perspectives just dig people in further to their misery. And some people dig that, thrive on that, get their raison d'être from that.

But for others who want to move through, the only lasting way, I believe, is to see the Other as a reflection of Self.

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It's a Matter of Perspective

Remember when I wrote about the Drama Wheel? The short play where one person is the villain, the victim and the hero?

Well, there are other examples, as I'm finding, of stories in which two opposing parties are forced to see from the other's viewpoint.

Here are two movies my kids have been watching lately. Check out the general theme of "seeing a situation from multiple perspectives."

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Lori is the contributing editor for Domestic Adoption. She writes daily at her main blog, Weebles Wobblog. She records her family's adoption story at Drama 2B Mama and reviews products at All Thumbs Reviews.

What Kind of Woman Does This?

When we first brought Tessa home, my grandma was quite disturbed in meeting Crystal, Tessa's firstmom.

Now, I love my Grandma, and she was an amazing woman. Almost 90 years old, she had seen space shuttles and the internet replace horse & buggies and telegrams.

But she was stuck in an absolutely incorrect view of birthmothers.

She was both grateful to Crystal for making me a mom, and contemptuous of her for "giving up her child." Indeed, most mothers -- by birth or adoption -- have trouble imagining the unimaginable. Grandma couldn't get over, "what kind of woman does this?"

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Lori is the contributing editor for Domestic Adoption. She writes daily at her main blog, Weebles Wobblog. She records her family's adoption story at Drama 2B Mama and reviews products at All Thumbs Reviews.

Returning to the Well

While the adoption community has many bridges and bridge builders, one can still find lot of sorrow, loss and hurt. The better members of the triad -- adoptees, firstparents and adoptive parents -- can empathize with each other, the better we can all ease the sorrow, loss and hurt. Posts on Bridges are meant to do just that: to help you experience another's light-bearing perspective.

A few weeks back, my friend Crystal offered to have my children come play at her house for a few hours. Rob had been out of town, and some down time for me sounded reealllly good.

It was a no-brainer. Responsible child watcher? Free time? Of course!

But I had to stop to think a moment.

Because Crystal is Tessa's firstmom.

"Is this weird?" I thought. "It doesn't feel weird. It should feel weird. Other people would find it weird. But I am definitely not sensing weird." The thoughts chugged through my head as I searched for some rain on my parade.

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Lori is the contributing editor for Domestic Adoption. She writes daily at her main blog, Weebles Wobblog. She records her family's adoption story at Drama 2B Mama and reviews products at All Thumbs Reviews.

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Lori's Story

Lori is the contributing editor for Domestic Adoption. She writes daily at her main blog, Weebles Wobblog. She records her family's adoption story at Drama 2B Mama and reviews products at All Thumbs Reviews.

Once upon a time, Lori and her Prince Charming set out for the Land of Parenthood. But they encountered unexpected detours through Infertilistan and Adoptonia. Their perils and triumphs are told in Drama 2B Mama, a story with a beginning and an end.

Parenting and adoptive parenting brought new challenges and awareness. Lori began haunting cross-triad adoption boards to try to understand the full picture of domestic adoption (as much as one person can). Eventually, she made her way to blogging, and now details her quest to live, parent and love mindfully, attempting to really "get" the interconnectedness of All. Blogging -- observing her feelings, clarifying her thoughts, and reaching out to others to exchange answers and insights -- seems like the perfect way to do so. You can find her several times a week at Weebles Wobblog.