The Love that Shifted

When I was a little girl and up to and through my growing up I was devotedly in love with my Grandfather. He was pretty much the center of my universe, my go-to person for advice and perspective, and the man that all other men would be measured to. (reason 3,528 why I am single) We went on adventures together in his old brown Pontiac, The Brown Bomber, and we had a silly way of repeating things along the drive. As we pulled out of the carport it was, “And we’re off! In a gale of whale butter!” Followed by both of us chanting, “pa ca ta, pa ca ta, pa ca ta”.

My Grandfather called all female drivers “Gloria” and he had a way of narrating what everyone was doing as he kept his hands firmly on 10 and 12. “Look at that guy in his truck. He’s trying to catch up to that Gloria up there in her tank.” Opera music would be softly dialed in on the radio and I absorbed and adored it all.

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Calliope is the contributing editor for Alzheimer's Disease. She writes daily at Creating Motherhood, where is walks the line between taking care of the older generation while creating the next generation. She lives with and cares for her grandmother who has Alzheimer's.

And Sometimes We Cry

Oh GM & I can have some good days when there is a good day to be had. We seize the moments, we hold each other tight, and we swoon with mutual affection. Oh the good days are oh wonderful, oh so good. Lots of singing, lots of laughing, lots of silliness.

And sometimes we cry.

Sometimes we just don’t know who GM is and neither does she. These are the hardest moments, and I have written about them before.

Imagine having to convince someone that they are who they are. Daily. Imagine having to tell someone that they once had a husband, children, grandchildren. Imagine having to sum up parts of a person’s whole life swiftly before they crumble into a dark pool of emptiness.

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Calliope is the contributing editor for Alzheimer's Disease. She writes daily at Creating Motherhood, where is walks the line between taking care of the older generation while creating the next generation. She lives with and cares for her grandmother who has Alzheimer's.

The Shower Scene

Tomorrow is National Depression Screening Day. This month is National Depression Awareness Month. Cali, traditionally a contributing editor for Alzheimer's Disease presents this post on depression.

I realized this morning that I had not washed my hair on over a week. A full on, seven days. For whatever reason I just wasn’t motivated to do it. I didn’t care. I couldn’t muster up the energy for it. Of course as soon as I realized it I felt gross and nasty and made myself get out of my warm bed to do something about it.

Once I was in the shower and in between the steps rinse and repeat I began to sob. I was positioned directly under the hot stream of water and I just had this image of the heat of the water melting my heart.

It was then that I realized that I have been in walking depression. I don’t know if that is a real term or not, but the way I think of it is that I have been walking around, going about my business & unaware of a hovering, dark cloud of funk inside of me.

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Calliope is the contributing editor for Alzheimer's Disease. She writes daily at Creating Motherhood, where is walks the line between taking care of the older generation while creating the next generation. She lives with and cares for her grandmother who has Alzheimer's.

“I’m Not Sick. You Made That Up.”

Being sick is horrible. Being sick and a person with Alzheimer’s is the worst. There have been so, so many moments where I have been shocked by the cruelty of Grandmother’s disease. Moments where I felt like the disease was a soul eraser or personality invader. But watching and taking care of GM while she copes with the final stages of a stomach virus is probably one of the hardest things I have been through. Ever.

It didn’t help that she got sick while both Mother & I were still in the throes of the illness ourselves. Not that anyone ever plans and schedules an illness, but as far as timing goes this was pretty insane. And let’s not forget BG Talula who is still doing all that she can to pass her kitty kidney stone and requiring blended cat food and lots of cleanups on aisle 9.

But with GM this stomach virus brought about so many blips. The moment of her extreme sickness, on the commode with a giant bowl in her lap, Mother and I at her feet on the cold bathroom floor, were so tragic. Lots of crying and lots of pleading with us to make it stop. “Help me”, she would plead in a whisper, her voice raspy from throwing up. And we didn’t have anything to help her except gentle strokes on her back or cool compresses on her neck.

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Calliope is the contributing editor for Alzheimer's Disease. She writes daily at Creating Motherhood, where is walks the line between taking care of the older generation while creating the next generation. She lives with and cares for her grandmother who has Alzheimer's.

Calliope's Story

Calliope is the contributing editor for Alzheimer's Disease. She writes daily at Creating Motherhood, where is walks the line between taking care of the older generation while creating the next generation. She lives with and cares for her grandmother who has Alzheimer's.

I have been a full-time granddaughter since January, 2003 when my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. Care-giving at home has been a struggle and a joy. Every day is new and yet every day is the same. It has been through care-giving that I realized that I was ready to become a mother. My grandmother has been an active champion of my hopes and dreams for all of my life, but the greatest thing she has taught me is dignity. Even as she struggles with this losing battle of Alzheimer's, she clings fervently to the core of her being with such grace that it is breathtaking. I hope to share some of the life lessons that taking care of my grandmother has taught me.