I often wonder why my dad decided to marry my mom. They only knew each other for 6 months before they were married. I asked him but he gave me very vague answers. They loved each other. I do think that they found a place where they did indeed love each other but it was mixed with so much sorrow and pain. My father knew he was gay from a very early age. I think he said 6 or 7. I can't help but think that my father used my mother to portray himself as a straight guy. I think she used him as well but for very different reasons. It bit them both in the ass less than ten years later but that is a different blog. I have often felt that my brother and my existence was simply to help create the illusion of my father's straight life. I don't doubt that he loved me or my brother, we were really cute kids what's not to love, but we didn't fit into his life. Certainly not as children, as adults we were necessary (see above blog) to his sanity.
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Jen is the contributing editor for Child of a GLBT Parent. She writes about her family at Kids of Queers.
Showing posts with label a child's perspective. Show all posts
Showing posts with label a child's perspective. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
What It's Like to Have Your Father Come Out of the Closet
A reader posted this question:
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Jen is the contributing editor for Child of a GLBT Parent. She writes about her family at Kids of Queers.
How tough was it for you to be 13 and your Dad come out? Those years are tough enough, how was your life socially dealing with those issues, how did you handle it? ALso, do you think your Dad would have been happier if he would have lived his life on his terms, yet still help raise his child?When I found out my dad was gay I was 13. My mother had known for at least a year and my brother knew too but I don't really know how long he knew. My mother told me about my father one night when she and I were having an argument. I don't recommend this method.
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Jen is the contributing editor for Child of a GLBT Parent. She writes about her family at Kids of Queers.
Jen's Story
Jen is the contributing editor for Child of a GLBT Parent. She writes about her family at Kids of Queers.
I am the daughter of a gay man. My parents remained married after my dad came out for a variety of reasons. I found out my dad was gay when I was 13. It was 1979 and I didn't know anyone who was gay. Actually I knew a lot of people who were gay I just didn't know they were gay. My mother told me in anger about my father. I was always daddy's little girl and she was mad at me one day, funny I can't remember why, but she blurted it out and things were never the same.
I didn't know any other kids who had a gay parent and it wasn't something I was proud of. My mother was handicapped and that brought more pity than I wanted. I just wanted to be a regular kid, I wanted to fade into the woodwork, I wanted to be invisible. I felt as if my mother's handicap and my father being gay somehow defined me. Not surprising I would feel this way since I wasn't old enough yet to define myself. My brother, who had known for a couple of years before me and didn't tell me for my own good (his words), only talked about it in vague references once while we were young. Thirty years later it seems to be all we talk about.
My father has passed away now. We did talk about his other life many times. I was lucky enough to meet a lot of his friends. These friends were dear to him and helped him in his hours of need.
And there were many. I have been blessed to remain a part of their lives after his passing.
As an adult I have met many people who were raised by a gay parent. It doesn't seem so unique anymore. Most of the people my age with a gay parent still have ambivalence about the whole thing. It is my hope to meet more people who have been raised by gay parents and to tell my story so others know we turned out ok.
I am the daughter of a gay man. My parents remained married after my dad came out for a variety of reasons. I found out my dad was gay when I was 13. It was 1979 and I didn't know anyone who was gay. Actually I knew a lot of people who were gay I just didn't know they were gay. My mother told me in anger about my father. I was always daddy's little girl and she was mad at me one day, funny I can't remember why, but she blurted it out and things were never the same.
I didn't know any other kids who had a gay parent and it wasn't something I was proud of. My mother was handicapped and that brought more pity than I wanted. I just wanted to be a regular kid, I wanted to fade into the woodwork, I wanted to be invisible. I felt as if my mother's handicap and my father being gay somehow defined me. Not surprising I would feel this way since I wasn't old enough yet to define myself. My brother, who had known for a couple of years before me and didn't tell me for my own good (his words), only talked about it in vague references once while we were young. Thirty years later it seems to be all we talk about.
My father has passed away now. We did talk about his other life many times. I was lucky enough to meet a lot of his friends. These friends were dear to him and helped him in his hours of need.
And there were many. I have been blessed to remain a part of their lives after his passing.
As an adult I have met many people who were raised by a gay parent. It doesn't seem so unique anymore. Most of the people my age with a gay parent still have ambivalence about the whole thing. It is my hope to meet more people who have been raised by gay parents and to tell my story so others know we turned out ok.
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