Monday, August 18, 2008

Stacey's Story

Stacey is one of the contributing editors for International Adoption. She writes daily at Is There Any Mommy Out There? where she discusses life with her adoptive, multiracial family.

I'm Stacey. I'm a mom of three children through international adoption and through birth. Our daughter was born in Haiti and came home at fourteen months old. Our first son is two months younger than our daughter. They are both fast-approaching three years old. Our youngest son just had his first birthday.

The road to our family was both more joyful and infinitely more painful than we imagined. My husband and I had always talked about adoption. We lost our first pregnancy to a first trimester miscarriage. As I struggled to understand that loss, I focused on our interest in adoption. In January 2005, I traveled to Haiti to volunteer at an orphanage and learn more about their adoption program. I knew that international adoption would be a part of our lives on that trip - I also found out that I was pregnant with our first son while traveling.

We committed to adopt our daughter (at just ten days old) and a four year old boy in August, 2005. Over a year later, they finally came home. As our family bonded with our daughter, we struggled to reach our oldest son. He exhibited anger, trauma and post-institutionalized behaviors as well as attachment and bonding difficulties. With the help of an experienced attachment therapist, we were able to find a way to keep all of our children happy and safe. It just wasn't a path that we ever imagined or expected. Our oldest son has successfully transitioned to a second adoptive family.

I write about life with three small children and share my thoughts on adoption, transracial parenting, our difficult attachment and bonding experiences and other aspects of international adoption at my personal blog, Is There Any Mommy Out There?


SeaStar said...

Stacey, I so respect your honesty and openness in sharing this very difficult story about the challenges of adopting and attachment. I just marked your blog a favorite and expect to be reading regularly. I was adopted as an infant, really the ideal situation, back in 1950, and still felt a mild sense of difference from my family, which I did not feel at all with the daughters bor to me. It has to be so much harder with older children who have already had traumatic experiences. Thank you for writing about this.

luna said...

stacey, I'm so happy you will be sharing your story here. the issues you write about are so important, and your honesty and candor are refreshing. thank you for crossing bridges!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I had never heard about disruption before reading Stacey's story on her blog. It was a complete revelation and made me consider all of the levels of deciding to be an adoptive parent - and the responsibilities involved.

phulmaya said...

As always, I am moved by your writing and feel like I learn something new or look at something in a few way every time I learn more about your story. Thanks for sharing:)