Friday, August 22, 2008

True View Friday Open Thread

We did this last week and now we're doing it again. It's your turn to give us a glimpse into your world. Every Friday we will ask you to start the conversation by asking you two questions:

What do you believe?
What have you observed or noticed this week as you've walked through your world?

Your thoughts can either reflect inward, stating something you believe strongly or is commentary on your own experience or your thoughts can move outward, retelling something you've noticed or observed (a particular interaction with another person, the way you resolved a conflict, a wonderful connection) as you went through your week. You can also ask a question that is either directed towards all people or something you truly wish to understand about a community.

I like to think of this open thread similar to a two-dimensional Christmas advent calendar (so says the Jewish lady) where you peel back the little windows and you get a glimpse of the house underneath. Each comment is a small window in a world that is uniquely and wonderfully your own. And if you notice something amazing inside a comment, connect with the writer and let them know.

If you are stuck, try beginning your sentence with "I believe..." and then explain your reasons behind the thought.

In addition to providing a view into your world, please respond to a thought that someone else threw into the conversation by adding a (+) before the commentor's sign-off name and then adding your thoughts. In other words, when you open a new comment box, write

+lollipop goldstein--

and then your comment (eg. +lollipop goldstein--in asking us to present what we believed has opened a huge, messy can of worms*).

As I've already stated in the comment manifesto, all thoughts should be respectful. Points-of-view are, by definition, very personal and one person's thoughts are not meant to reflect everyone's thoughts within a community. Comments that attack another person, are hateful in nature, or are seen as simply picking a fight and not starting a conversation will be deleted.

So give us a glimpse into your world and teach us something new about your corner of the blogosphere. What do you believe? What have you observed? What do you want to ask? In other words, how do you view the world?

* This is probably true, but if we're not willing to talk out the hard topics, open our hearts to another person's world, listen, and build that bridge, there is little point to this site.


SeaStar said...

This time I'm taking the second option, writing about something I observed, and was distressed by.


Fat blond girl, fourteen
scowls in aquarium line.
Lime green T shirt screams
in huge white neon letters
I don't know who to throttle,
parents, manufacturer, media.
How could such an outrageous
message be culturally cool?
Acceptable? How can anyone
believe that is funny? I rage.
I cry. I fear for our children.

diaphanta said...


I'm having my fourth m/c after 5 years ttc. I'm in a dark place right now, but enjoying reading 'Bridges'. Thank you.

I wrote these yesterday and wanted to share. Sorry they are bleak - but they are honest.


1. Just because someone else succeeds, doesn't mean that you will succeed.

2. Just because you have suffered really badly, doesn't mean that you will have earned success.

3. Just because you are suffering, doesn't mean that you will learn anything, or gain anything, or capture anything that you will be able to use in the future; it may be simply that you are suffering.

4. Just because you want something and you are prepared to do absolutely anything to get it (including letting it go), doesn't mean you actually will get it.

5. There is no one in charge (least of all you), there is no order, there is no justice, there is no beating heart of compassion that lies within and holds us and promises us that there will be meaning and happiness and resolution eventually. Just because we feel there should be, doesn't make it so.

And that's what I believe.

Tally said...

Something I observed - about myself - yesterday. I am stronger than I imagined I could be.

Wonderboy and I (IF casualties) were invited to a cottage out on a distant bay in the Ontario West Carleton region. It was related to his work (a colleague is leaving), so I wasn't going to be in familiar territory, which makes me very nervous on the outset.

Then, when I arrive... children. There are as many young children as there are adults. My automatic, knee-jerk reaction is to suck in my breath and immediately tuck into fetal position - I was ready for strangers, but not children. My heart wasn't certain what to do, so it just kept beating, while I sized up the situation. I either abandoned Wonderboy to the revellers (he had gotten there early) and head home to cry, or I would walk into the situation and make the best of it.

Sometimes, tears stung my eyes (and not just because of the bonfire smoke). Sometimes my heart felt like it would burst with pain. But sometimes, if I just let it happen, I let myself go and enjoyed the jubilation these many little souls shared. And I survived - almost happily.

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time right now. My heart and my thoughts go out to you. We, too, have been struggling with IF for 5 or so years, and it isn't getting easier. The pain you feel may be yours, but you are not alone.

JuliaS said...

Diaphanta - I am so sorry for the place you find yourself in right now. I have had several miscarriages also and I know how frustrating, devastating and infuriating this all can be. When people told me "at least you know you can get pg" they didn't realize they were running me through with a double edged sword.

One thing over the last decade and a half I have learned - there are no absolutes. You are right - just because someone else does, doesn't absolutely mean you will - but it doesn't mean you absolutely won't.

Good wishes.

JuliaS said...

Seastar - I am completely flabbergasted by the "attitude" clothing also. I saw racks of sweatpant capris at the store last summer in the little girls section that had "Juicy" and another color with "Sweet" stamped in big bold letters across the derriere.

Ummm - pedophile design wear anyone?

These of course were next to the tube tops - for girls with nothing to hold the tube up with. (not that that would make it better.)

It scares me too.

Delenn said...

+ Seastar – I find it so appalling that clothes for boys and girls are so different. I have no trouble finding appropriate clothing choices for my 9 year old son. However, I do tend to have to look a bit, as they do tend to have lots of sports themes (which my son is not into). And I do find some inappropriate sayings on some shirts for boys. BUT, just being curious, I looked over the isle to see what I would buy for my daughter if she was 9 yrs (she’s 4 mos., so I hope the selection changes by then). And I could not find a week’s worth of clothing that I would buy for her. It was either trashy looking (for NINE year olds!) or very stereotype frilly. What happened to having equality? I can somewhat sympathize with parents here—what do you put your girl in, if these are the choices?

Lollipop Goldstein said...

+ Seastar - We had huge debates about this due to our middle school dress code--the girls truly couldn't find clothing in mainstream stores that fit the dress code. They needed to go to stores that were traditionally for adults and we needed to provide parents with a list of stores that provide acceptable clothing. And, of course, there is a cost factor--the place that were affordable produced clothing that didn't fit the dress code. The places that were expensive did. It's a nightmare.

+ Diaphanta - I am so incredibly sorry that you're going through a loss again.

From me: I think people who say things anonymously and cannot stand behind their words speak volumes about the quality of their thoughts. The exception to this are times that people use the anonymous function to protect their privacy because they are speaking about sensitive topics and their words would affect their safety/privacy. But my feeling is that if you are speaking directly to the person, giving feedback or thoughts, you should do it with circumspection and find a way to word your advice or thoughts so that you can stand behind them. Anything other than that just comes across as cruel when it comes to the ways people usually use anonymous commenting.

Journeywoman said...

I believe that relationship takes work.

I have noticed this week that Hollywood feeds us this picture that it doesn't. We are fed the "happily ever after" and we believe that if we have to talk about the relationship and what's going on that there is something inherently wrong with it.

I've learned that talking about feelings, problems, don't mean we're ready for divorce court. I've also learned that this is true for ALL relationships. Friends, lovers, siblings, parents. I've been made to understand that the only reason I consider my parents as friends is that I have treated them as a friend and they have responded in kind. My sweet husband could treat his parents as his friend until the cows come home but they still see the 5 day old boy they adopted.

No relationship I have has come easily or without work.

My bit for the week.

+ Seastar--DAMN. That's just wrong.

+diaphanta--I'm so sorry you're going through hell just now.

+Tally--you go girl.

+ Lollipop--don't have enough trolls to make a judgement, though you're probably right.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

+ Journeywoman - Amen. In the same way that I'm fearful of the messages little girls are getting via clothing (a la Seastar), I'm also worried about the messages people receive about relationships. They do take work. They bring a lot of joy, but they all take a lot of work.

Cassandra said...

I believe that I can get through all of this, even if it feels like I can't sometimes.

+Diaphanta - I am sorry to say that every one of your Laws rings true for me. I am also very sorry about your m/c and that you were in an emotional place that led you to write these Laws, true though they may be.

+Tally - Good for you!

+Julias - Definitely. They're trying to be helpful, but it isn't. "At least you know you can get pg" was painful with the 1st m/c, but after the 2nd, it has been morphing in my mind to "now you know that you can get pg but maybe you can't keep it."

+Lollipop - I saw the anonymous comment that I think you're referring to. Don't let it drown out the comments from over 50 people who commented that they loved what you wrote, or the hundreds more who didn't comment but also loved it, or those who may be genuinely helped by your honesty. That comment was rude, and cowardly, and ass.

SeaStar said...

+diaphanta - The honest pain in your post and your fivelaws echoes deeply.

+tally - I'm so glad you found the strength to find some joy in a challenging social situation unexpectedly full of children.

+everybody who commented on my "entertain me" post, thank you. I was disturbed in terms of the clothing choices available of course, and also that the idea that children should be entertained and not self entertaining - that it;s acceptable to just fall into boredom, would be considred funny. All the comments about the sexually expicit words on little grils' clothes and the difficulty and expense of finding appropriate clothes rings true too. I remember my grand daughter's distress and surprise when I explained to her what some of the slogans on shirts (don't remember which ones) meant. She was horrified. I wonder how many of the little girls even know what the slogans on their clothes mean.

+Lolipop - So sorry someone aimed a mean annonymous post at you. I have posted annonymously b accident a few time sbecause of mistakes with the comment feature, but agree that it is right to consider and stand behind what we post, as well as what we say.

+Bridges community - I continue to be excited by this community, especially True View Fridays, and am so pleased to have found you.

m de p said...

This week I adopted our child. What a week. One of the things I realized this week was that the three best things that I have happened to me in my life were entered into without me being the least bit prepared. First, I was engaged to my husband after dating him for only a few weeks and while we were living in different continents. Were were "ready" for marriage? I think we had no clue what we were getting into, but we were absolutely committed to trying it, and remain so today. Second, when I began my career as a teacher, I did so through an alternative certification program. I hadn't been in a classroom since I myself was school age, and I started teaching 5th grade after 6 weeks of "training". Finally, and best of all, I became a parent practically overnight. Is anyone really prepared to be a parent? I think this falls into the same category as marriage - how can you really prepare yourself? But we are fully committed to doing our best. What more can we do?

SeaStar said...

+ de pe - blessings on the adoption of your child. For me too, I've never been prepared for the really important things in y life. Maybe it's impossible to be. If we waited til we were ready not much would get done. Hooray for your reconfigured family!

Miryam (mama o' the matrices) said...

I believe that I can be an idiot. But that shouldn't stop me from living my life to the fullest.