Black Gaping Hole

I feel right now like I am in an upswing, moving a bit farther from the gaping hole, though I know it is right behind me, waiting. Recent distractions, newly (re)found, if tenuous, focus on my goals, on my husband, friends.

I fear the moment I feel the swing start to move downward, back toward the gaping hole, wondering about what new misery awaits me, which old misery will hurt most. How long it will take to climb back out of the gaping black hole, what I will need to do it, to let go again of my boys.

I left this comment on a post at Glow in the Woods, in response to a post by Niobe about feeling the wound of loss sort of, well, scar over. Be less raw.

When I wrote this post, I was feeling really good. Hopeful about the future. C had just completed 5 years of intense work and had successfully defended his dissertation. I was starting to get back into my own research and study. There was a minuscule chance that we could have conceived this cycle, and I was feeling okay, even hopeful about it. There was talk of getting a dog. There has been crazy weather here lately, with a big jump in temperature, severe thunder storms and threats of tornadoes. Electricity was literally in the air.

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So Dear and Yet So Far is a guest blogger on Bridges.