Busted's Story

Busted is the contributing editor for Loss. She writes daily at Busted Babymaker where she tells her infertility story as well as the story of the Doodles, her boy/girl twins (Noah and Talia) who were born at 23 weeks due to placental abruption.

I used to have a blog - it was called "Turgid Prose." Some of my most memorable posts covered such diverse and important topics as how I thought Reba Mcintyre resembled a fraggle and why the Extra gum character in their commercials had a Scottish accent. I also had a sister site called "Primp My Ride" which covered beauty and fashion and my strong opinions with respect thereto. No one but my close friends and my husband read either one.

Eight months later without a period and several long weeks going back and forth from an RE's office, and I was feeling slightly less ironic, slightly less fashionista, slightly more in need of something real, something therapeutic, and so Busted Babymaker was born. I thought I was still being clever in my choice of a title, thought I was cute for dubbing myself "Busted". I wrote about IVF calendars, acupuncture appointments and being afraid of needles, but there was an edge of hope to the posts. All of a sudden strangers were reading, were cheering me on, and blogging became more than just entertainment.

When IVF#1 bestowed us with the jackpot of infertility, boy/girl twins, Phase III of my blogging career brought the cliched pregnancy blog. Baby names, nursery decor posts, showers - we had it all. There were some down moments, the abnormal genetic screening, the early threats of selective reduction (which happened naturally), but overall, despite all the requisite infertile woman's protests that this couldn't really be happening, we thought we were getting what we had always wanted.

March 25, 2008 inaugurated the current regime - pain central. On this day our sweet Doodles, Noah and Talia, were born too early at 23 weeks 3 days, and we lost them both. I now vacillate between (1) factual updates on my current medical situation (retained products, D&C, FET post-loss) when I can't think of anything to say other than "I miss my Doodles", and (2) long-winded laments, generally ending with "it's not fair." And suddenly so many readers have came out of the woodwork offering support and compassion, whether or not they can identify with our losses. So the idea of bringing awareness and emotional understanding through blogging is nothing new to me - but to create an entire space devoted to just that is definitely something new, and I'm honored to have been invited to be a part of it.

Oh yes, and I promise to do my best to reatin at least a sliver of that original irony and humor that used to be my bread and butter. If we can't laugh through the tears, what can we do?"