Sunday, September 14, 2008

Half a Mom

There comes a point in a pregnancy where one usually starts pondering how things will get balanced after the child is born, in terms of of time and psyche: how will I manage to be both a wife and a mother? (Jeebus, is it really 5:30 already?!) How will the time get allocated between my obligations to these distinct places of grocery store and nursery, not to mention work, my friends, my family? A cold wave of early bedtime, schedule-crushed weekends, sick days, babysitters, daycare, and netflix subscriptions suddenly washes over one as she realizes things will change, radically. There are only so many hours in a day, and while I multitask with the best of them (lifts fingers from keypad ever so slightly in order to blow toddler’s nose, take turn at Candyland, throw ball to dog, click over to respond to chat message, and realize chicken needs defrosting) sometimes things need undivided attention and take priority. Babies are one of those things.

I remember in the weeks before Maddy was born, wondering how on earth I was going to juggle two children. And I mean that somewhat in the literal sense of throwing them both in the air, perhaps with a banana some yogurt and a cell phone, and seeing if I could make a five-minute lunch plan out of it for all of us. But I also mean that in the more figurative sense of balancing my time with them, and the more existential sense of how I would carry them around in my heart and my head, equally, and yet individually and appropriately. With liberty and justice for all. And a bit of down time for mom, who needs a good bubble bath now and again.

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Tash from Glow in the Woods is a guest blogger for Bridges.


SeaStar said...

This is such a beautiful and true feeling post - rings true with my experience of love, loss and trying to stay mndful as a widowed mother of two little grils (different variation of being on both sides at the same time) Peace to you and yours.

luna said...

as you know, tash, I really love this post. it just so perfectly and eloquently crystallizes what would be impossible to know if you haven't been there. thanks as always for your honesty, and for sharing this here.