Note: In later posts I "out" these two individuals - "L" becomes Leah and "Miss D" becomes Belinda.
I met her three days ago. We had talked on the phone twice over the last several weeks. The conversations went pretty well considering what we were discussing. I liked that she seemed to act the way I think I would act in her position. I also think I acted the way she would act were she in my position. She assured me I could as any questions I wanted and didn't want me to be uncomfortable. I told her I expected to be uncomfortable at times, but I was okay with that. It was important to find a good match. "Good," was her reply.
We made arrangements to meet at our mutual friend's house. I came to know our mutual friend, L, only about 6 months ago. We came together through our shared experience with infertility. Shortly after our third failed IVF cycle I let her know we were not happy with our clinic's donor program and were attempting to find our own donor. I asked her (and everyone else I knew) to please keep an eye out for someone kind of like me who might be willing to be our donor. She immediately thought of "Miss D" who was about my height, hair and eye color.
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Kami is the contributing editor for Donor Eggs. She writes daily at The Other Side where she covers life with her new daughter, LB, the little butterfly.
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2 comments:
Wow, what a timely post for me! I'm not sure what prompted you to post this particular section from your blog, as I realized after I clicked the link that this was a post from just over a year ago.
My husband and I have re-started our journey to be parents using donor eggs. The transfer is tentatively scheduled for mid-November. We used an agency to help pick our donor, but part of the interest in this particular person was that she would be willing to meet with us. Somehow just knowing that she would meet us, made the decision easier. However, because we have had a lot of disappointing news regarding my health, we decided to put off that meeting until we actually got all the green lights for the go ahead (we didn't want to get attached to a person or a process until we knew it was happening).
But now the time has come. It's time to meet. And I'm scared to death. Do you have any advice? I'll be going back and reading your earlier posts to derive inspiration.
Brenda
For Brenda - I was an egg donor and I met the recipients. I met them with one of the clinic psychologists so there was a mediator in case things got uncomfortable - but she was more helpful in knowing all the good questions in spurring good conversation. It's a nervous thing to meet the other party, so she'll be just as scared as you are.
Just be sure to know all the questions you want to ask - like if they can keep the clinic/agency updated with any future medical history changes and whether they are comfortable receiving pictures and updates (if you're willing to send them).
Anyway, I blogged my story on meeting my recipients, so you can read what it was like on my side of the coin.
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